What makes a good listener? #NLBeHeard

Active listening is not only a valuable soft skill that employers look for, it also helps you become better at supporting someone emotionally through times of need. We hear the term bandied about, but what does active listening actually involve?

Below, I’ve included some tips on how we can be better listeners:

Acceptance and Non-Judgement

People come from different backgrounds and have different experiences shaping their views. The fear of judgement can stop people opening up about themselves or their problems. Showing the person you are listening to that you are not judging them can help them feel less afraid to open up. Listen with an open mind and try to recognise how your own background and views may influence your perception of what the other person is saying. Try not to make judgemental comments about what the other person is saying or jump to conclusions. You could actively reassure the person that you are not judging them and you accept them for who they are, if they are opening up about a topic that’s very sensitive in nature or that they are really afraid of talking to anyone about.

Listening

This may sound like an obvious one, but one of the first rules of active listening is actually showing someone that you are listening to them. That involves not going on your phone to scroll through Instagram mid-conversation, making eye-contact with the other person (to the extent that you’re both comfortable with of course), and showing through your facial expressions that you are really registering their message. The use of non-verbals is also a golden strategy, especially if the conversation you are having is over the phone where you cant use visual cues to show that you are listening.

Empathy

Many people get confused about the difference between empathy and sympathy. Imagine that someone is drowning in a pool and needs your help. Sympathy would be feeling sorry for the person, whereas empathy would lead you to actually throw out a rope for them. You can see which of the two is more helpful. Empathy involves actually trying to put yourself in the other person's shoes and see where they are coming from, whilst sympathy involves simply pitying the other person. It’s not always going to be easy to put ourselves in others shoes if they are going through something we have no experience of ourselves or cant really relate to, but we can at least try to better understand their experiences by asking questions. We can use our words to acknowledge their struggles and emotions, and avoid minimising their problems by bringing up a problem of your own that you thought was worse.

Reflection

Reflective listening is a method of communication which involves two key steps: seeking to understand what the other person is saying, then offering the idea back to the speaker (e.g. paraphrasing what the speaker has just said) to show that you have been really listening. It's also important to reflect the language that the other person has been using- this reduces the risk of you appearing to make any assumptions about the other person. You should also reflect tone of voice (this doesn't have to mean matching the tone of voice exactly, it can be closer to neutral). You can imagine that it may not come across well if the person you’re listening to sounds very despondent, and you reply in a very cheerful tone of voice. To illustrate this, I’ve included a link to a video clip of Inside Out (a great movie I’d recommend).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QT6FdhKriB8

And lastly, remember to take care of yourself! Supporting others whilst we are emotionally and mentally drained ourselves can be difficult, so it's important to remember to look after yourself. If that means that you aren't able to support someone at the moment, that's okay, your needs come first. If you need to talk to someone, Nightline is here to listen (go onto nightline.org.uk for contact details).

If you’re staying tuned to our Instagram, Facebook and Twitter (@LondonNightline), you’ll see our daily listening tips! And if you have any questions about anything mentioned in this blog post, please put them in the comments.

Warmly,

Anon

Loneliness

Some say that university is the best time in your life. But for some of us, university can feel like a lonely time. According to the ONS, almost 10% of people aged 16-24 reported feeling almost always or often alone. These figures could be higher as not everyone who feels lonely may be comfortable saying so, and loneliness can be experienced at any age.

Although feeling lonely in itself isn’t a mental health problem, the two are strongly linked (Mind). A symptom of depression and anxiety is withdrawal from others. Loneliness can also have several health impacts, including increased risk of stroke, heart disease, and an increased mortality risk of up to 26% (ONS). Long term health problems or disabilities were reported to be a common risk factor for loneliness across all ages, and carers also reported higher levels of loneliness.

Social connection is important for everyone, although people’s social needs differ. Some people may be happier with a few friends, whereas some may need a larger circle.  Relationship status, strength of belonging to a neighbourhood/community, and how often people meet up with their friends or family were all factors found to be associated with loneliness. 

If you find that you are withdrawing from your friends or notice a friend who seems to be spending less time with their peers doing things they enjoy, it's important to reach out and connect. And if you would like to talk to someone, Nightline is here to listen.

Warmly,

Anon

P.s. Here is a link to an interesting TED talk by Karen Dolva, CEO and co-founder of No Isolation, an organisation aiming to tackle loneliness:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-Gil9l8yIE

How Can Self Care Be Part of Student Life?

Hello once again!

It's sometimes difficult to make self care a habit, particularly whilst studying at college or university. However, here at Nightline we've asked students what they do to make self care a part of student life. Here's what they had to say about what to do if they've had a bad day:

"Talk it through with my friends and then give myself time out, have a nice bath with a bath bomb and sit in bed watching some youtube/"trashy" tv."

"Give myself some time to think it over, but then make myself a nice dinner, read a book and do some meditation!"

"I'd cook myself something really nice, and then lounge about watching movies."

These are all wonderful suggestions, and ones that can definitely fit into the busy schedule of a university student. Other students have suggested going to the gym, taking some time for meditation, or simply surrounding yourself with friends who support you no matter what. 

Remember, Nightline is here for you, every night of term. 

Yours,

-Wendy