You might think you aren't hurting enough. That people are worse off than you, have fought themselves more, or have been through more. They’ve self-injured, slept, drunk, starved, tried to die. You might think your story isn’t significant enough when you compare it to those. Maybe, your brain suggests, you are just seeking attention.
— Shelley Queen, “You are a being, not a burden”
It was mental health awareness week a few weeks ago, which means becoming aware (if you're not already!) that 1 in 4 people are living with a mental health condition. These include but are not limited to:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Bipolar
- Borderline Personality Disorder
- Body dysmorphic disorder
- Dissociative disorders
- Hypomania
- Mania
- OCD
- Panic attacks
- Paranoia
- Postnatal depression
- PTSD,
- Schizophrenia
- Self harm
- Suicidal feelings.
So it's not just the well known anxiety and depression. It's not feeling sad a lot or being worried about a few tests, either. For a lot of people, fighting a mental health issue is the hardest issue they will ever face, because it's a constant battle nobody can see you're fighting, and one to which there is a still a lot of stigma attached.
A lot of people think mental health is limited to the people you see in films and on TV, muttering to themselves or hearing voices or classically protrayed as 'insane'. The fact is, the majority of mental health sufferers will not be that obviously ill. It can be really hard to spot someone struggling unless you know them well, and even then it might not be obvious. There are loads of signs and symptoms, and they often overlap with other conditions- recent weight loss might be due to the flu, being down more often may just be stress, losing interest in things might just be the fact that everybody grows out of things. Even for the sufferer, it can be less obvious.
I really like this graphic from the mental health foundation of New Zealand. I think it's useful for both sufferers and supporters, and it's at the top of this blog.
If you're supporting someone, whether they have a mental health condition or not, connecting is massively important. Letting them know you're there, that you're willing to go through everything with them, is invaluable. If your best friend tells you she'd be with you every step of the way, no matter how long it took, and even after as well- and although you didn't trust yourself that you would get better, you'd trust her.
Giving is so important. It's all very well saying you'll be there, but you have to follow it up, whether it's with emails or texts or coffee or cuddles. Sometimes just being there is enough. Sometimes you'll need to be a sounding board for thoughts and ideas that seem irrational, but are more realistic to the person you're supporting than you'll ever know.
Take notice- both of the person you're supporting, and yourself. If you're finding it difficult, ask for help- you're never ever expected to deal with your own or someone else's mental health issues on your own. There are confidential helplines such as Nightline and Mind that can help out with specific mental health topics,direct you to more information on how to be supportive, and support you. Try and remember what makes you happy, what makes the people around you happy, and share that. Keep taking medication, note any side effects, and don't be afraid to try/ suggest counselling, other medication, mindfullness and other techniques if the current ones aren't working.
Keep learning- everyone experiences mental health differently. Sometimes the times you are busiest and most productive are when your mental health is worst, which is not traditional- so that might be something new for you to learn and pick up on. Your mental health will change over time and it's not something that gets better overnight, so there is a long process that requires constant learning to cope and deal with new emotions.
Be active- It's about being active with your own and others mental health- encouraging you and your friends to be self-aware, to share their problems, to seek help if needed. It's about being active about the fact that mental health is never, ever something to be ashamed of, something that makes us all human, that is not something deserving of being hushed away.
Remember:
- Mental health is different for everyone.
- A supportive friend can be all you need.
- You may however also need medication or counselling or other techniques.
- Talk. To your friends, to your family, to your GP.
'Friend- I want to be the mirror that reminds you to love yourself. I want to be the air in your lungs that reminds you to breathe easy. When the walls come down, when the thunder rumbles, when nobody else is home, hold my hand. And I promise- I won't let go.'
- Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye, An Origin Story
