What makes a good listener? #NLBeHeard

Active listening is not only a valuable soft skill that employers look for, it also helps you become better at supporting someone emotionally through times of need. We hear the term bandied about, but what does active listening actually involve?

Below, I’ve included some tips on how we can be better listeners:

Acceptance and Non-Judgement

People come from different backgrounds and have different experiences shaping their views. The fear of judgement can stop people opening up about themselves or their problems. Showing the person you are listening to that you are not judging them can help them feel less afraid to open up. Listen with an open mind and try to recognise how your own background and views may influence your perception of what the other person is saying. Try not to make judgemental comments about what the other person is saying or jump to conclusions. You could actively reassure the person that you are not judging them and you accept them for who they are, if they are opening up about a topic that’s very sensitive in nature or that they are really afraid of talking to anyone about.

Listening

This may sound like an obvious one, but one of the first rules of active listening is actually showing someone that you are listening to them. That involves not going on your phone to scroll through Instagram mid-conversation, making eye-contact with the other person (to the extent that you’re both comfortable with of course), and showing through your facial expressions that you are really registering their message. The use of non-verbals is also a golden strategy, especially if the conversation you are having is over the phone where you cant use visual cues to show that you are listening.

Empathy

Many people get confused about the difference between empathy and sympathy. Imagine that someone is drowning in a pool and needs your help. Sympathy would be feeling sorry for the person, whereas empathy would lead you to actually throw out a rope for them. You can see which of the two is more helpful. Empathy involves actually trying to put yourself in the other person's shoes and see where they are coming from, whilst sympathy involves simply pitying the other person. It’s not always going to be easy to put ourselves in others shoes if they are going through something we have no experience of ourselves or cant really relate to, but we can at least try to better understand their experiences by asking questions. We can use our words to acknowledge their struggles and emotions, and avoid minimising their problems by bringing up a problem of your own that you thought was worse.

Reflection

Reflective listening is a method of communication which involves two key steps: seeking to understand what the other person is saying, then offering the idea back to the speaker (e.g. paraphrasing what the speaker has just said) to show that you have been really listening. It's also important to reflect the language that the other person has been using- this reduces the risk of you appearing to make any assumptions about the other person. You should also reflect tone of voice (this doesn't have to mean matching the tone of voice exactly, it can be closer to neutral). You can imagine that it may not come across well if the person you’re listening to sounds very despondent, and you reply in a very cheerful tone of voice. To illustrate this, I’ve included a link to a video clip of Inside Out (a great movie I’d recommend).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QT6FdhKriB8

And lastly, remember to take care of yourself! Supporting others whilst we are emotionally and mentally drained ourselves can be difficult, so it's important to remember to look after yourself. If that means that you aren't able to support someone at the moment, that's okay, your needs come first. If you need to talk to someone, Nightline is here to listen (go onto nightline.org.uk for contact details).

If you’re staying tuned to our Instagram, Facebook and Twitter (@LondonNightline), you’ll see our daily listening tips! And if you have any questions about anything mentioned in this blog post, please put them in the comments.

Warmly,

Anon

Information for Students Living All Around the World

This year we are glad to be affiliated with the University of London. As such, we are working to make our service more accessible to independent students or those studying at Teaching Institutions worldwide. Wherever students are based, they now have access to our listening service and, as such, emotional and practical support from our trained student volunteers in London.

We currently offer the following services: phone, text, instant message, email and our reopened Skype Phone.

Instant Messaging and Email

The instant messaging (IM) and email service can be accessed from anywhere for free (unlike texting). If you prefer a written format, we encourage you to use our IM service, as it is the easiest way to have a conversation in real-time. Our IM service can be found on the right side of any page on our website, and once you click ‘chat’ when we are online you’ll get through to our volunteers.

Of course, you can choose to send us emails at any time, and they will be replied to within 48 hours every day of the year, even outside of traditional term times.

Skype Calling

If you would prefer to talk to us, we presently offer a Skype Phone system that allows you to talk to our volunteers as if using a mobile phone. This service is simply the audio of a Skype Call; we never accept video chats so that both the volunteer and caller remain anonymous. You can access this service by downloading Skype, and then calling our account: londonnightline.

The connection depends on the level of internet access, so if the call drops please try and call back, or alert us to this via chat. We encourage you to create an anonymous account, although this is up to you to decide. Our team is currently looking into more anonymous services that allow for charge-free international calling. We delete any contacts at the end of every shift, but you can still contact us again.

Phone and SMS/Texting

For students based in the UK, we offer a phone and text service based on your own network charges. Please be aware that if you use these services, you may incur additional charges based on your telephone plan (if you prefer a free call, use skype as mentioned above).

The phone number to call is +4420 7631 0101, or text us on +44771 798 9900.

Opening Hours

Our service is open from 6pm to 8am (GMT+1) every night of British term dates, with emails replied to every day of the year. We will be open until the 29^th March 2018, at which point we will be closed for a short period, before reopening on the 16^th April 2018. We’ll close for summer on the 22^nd June 2018, and reopen in mid-September.

To see what time it is in London to talk to our volunteers, please check this clock. 

While the main part of our service is offering students a place to talk openly and confidentially about whatever is on their mind, we also provide information when requested. We will do our best to find information that is most suitable and appropriate for you where possible.

Find Out More

For more information about our service and what to expect from a call, please check out our website.